I am a Master.

Master of Science in the Evolution of Language and Cognition.

Words I Need To Stop Saying In Casual Conversation:

Salient.
Scaffolded.
Assuage.
Cheers.
Juxtaposed.
Deflationary.
Niche.
Phenomenology.*
Supersede.
Epistemic.
Coupled.


*Ok, I haven't used this one yet, but I've thought about it.

Everything Will Be Alright: 3 Reasons

What's wrong: Dissertation due in 4 days and I'm thorougly fucked. On the other hand...

1. The other morning at 7 a.m., walking the Meadows in a cloud of despondency after working on my dissertation all night, I started to cry. As soon as the tear fell, I felt one sweet raindrop on my arm. The sprinkles continued for just about as long as I was teary. I took this event as a sign, a good omen if you will. Now one interpretation could be that God joined in and was crying for me, because he too believed I was fucked. Two problems with this claim: 1. don’t believe in God and 2. what oracle is bad, I mean in real life? You could be thinking that if I don’t believe in God then how, pray you, would I believe in oracles? Well, my friends, that’s the power of faith; you can choose what you want to believe, and it supersedes all propositional logic. Therefore, I believe it was a good omen.

2. At my ‘business lunch’ of me sitting at a restaurant working on my dissertation, Like A Prayer by Jon Bon Jovi came on the loudspeaker. What kind of sign is that, you ask? Well, a short while back during a warrior-like attack on my paper and reaching the half-way point in word count, all I could do was scream at the top of my lungs, “Ah OH! We're half way the-re… OH! AWWW! (insert Jon Bon rockstar scream) Livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it I swear… livin' on a prayer.”

3. Just now, the clock struck 2:22, and naturally, I made a wish for *something* (can’t say what it is). But that’s not all. Today I also happened to catch the wishmaking opportunity at 22:22 as well!! You see, the power is *incomprehensible* when you catch the same numbers twice in the same day. Therefore, my wish should come true.

In sum, I have reasonless faith, even more reasonless superstition dealing with digital clocks, and Jon Bon by my side. Yes, everything will be alright.

Please Try Again. a message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait

Please Try Again.

That's the thought--coupled with the image of the underside of a Coca-Cola or yogurt lid--that came to my head as I reread The Extended Mind.

So it seems that I didn't understand the argument quite right (see below for my bastardized version of the original), and soon I must make a mends and retry my gloss of the argument. I just had to make my correction public, so that you know *that I know*.

I can see your ass! And ITS nice!!

That's what I heard from these little dears as I was sitting on the curb. After a few more minutes of sexual harassment from 10 year-olds, I said, "If you'd like to talk to me, come over here."

They squealed and giddied on over, sitting next to me, standing all around me. All of a sudden, their 'fucks' turned into 'the f-word', very carefully spoken, and they became quite the little gentlemen. And they let me take a picture.

As they walked away, one of them chimed in, "Now you have a picture so you can remember talking to us."

Yes, I do. Thank you, my young friends.

Who Uses the Handicapped Bathrooms!?

Having had fallen asleep for the entirety (minus 15 minutes) of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I grumbily walked toward the cinema toilets. A huge line was queuing at the women’s, but the handicapped bathroom--door open wide and not in use--called to me. After all, have you ever seen someone actually using them?

So who uses the handicapped toilets?

The three wheel-chaired men waiting outside as I walked out. That’s who.